Frenzal Rhomb- Punk Rock Don't Pay The Bills

"I was hoping alpacas".

This is Lindsay McDougall's solution of which animal to race instead of horses, should horse flu epidemic have a dire effect on the Spring Racing Carnival. Lindsay, guitarist for very Aussie punk heroes Frenzal Rhomb, is more than happy to make small talk with me, despite being on the verge of launching a national tour. From the upcoming races- "You know how we have very ironic names for things in the English language? Like, a tall guy, we call them Shorty, or someone with red hair Bluey, we call them fascinators 'cause there in nothing more fucking boring than some fuckwit putting a piece of shit in their hair and going to the races"- to musical comedian Eddie Perfect- "He has killed before and he will kill again...".

Lindsay's amiable humour reminds me why Australia loves Frenzal Rhomb. Anyone who grew up in the 90's will have seen their dynamic live show at some point, and their caustic humour and warm-natured bogan charm are pretty much irresistible.

Although I wish I could keep Lindsay on the phone for hours talking about social oddities, fluro t-shirts and political fuck-ups, I decide to press on. I ask him about the tour, which begins Friday November 2, the day I am speaking to him. "It was exciting, we rehearsed last night and I would say Jason remembered...fifty-three percent of the lyrics...which is very good". But why tour now, after releasing the album (Forever Malcolm Young) over a year ago? "Basically because we didn't tour enough last year, and we haven't written a new album. That's the absolute basic and simplest reason".

Frenzal Rhomb first began as a frenetic punk act in 1991, and, having released 9 albums, are well established as our leading smart-mouthed larrikins of rock. Lindsay, however, seems unable to comprehend the band's popularity; "We are the comb over on the balding head of rock and roll. We refuse to admit there's no place for us". I try to reassure him the reason so many Aussies, young and old, adore the band is because of their refusal to commit to trends and passé fads. I use the word 'credibility' and Lindsay utters a warm laugh: "I like how, when people don't make any money out of their band, they call it credibility...we've managed to stay intensely, intensely credible".

Frenzal Rhomb seem to attract controversy like bees to honey. Or emos to any busy sidewalk of the city to sit and exist despite my best efforts. I ask Lindsay if this is calculated, or if there is just a sense of satisfaction in getting up the noses of the annoying hoi-polloi no-one else will tell to piss off? "We really wanna be friends with them, but unfortunately our manner is a little rough, it's a little brash for these sensitive souls, such as Kyle Sandilands". But your songs are so confrontational and biting, surely there's a little dissing going on in the ranks? "I think it's because we are so lame and scared in our everyday life, were very non-confrontational in our home lives, so this is kind of like us acting tough. This is like...you know how, these days, the real bullying happens online by little spotty-faced nerds, who, in real life would never have the guts to say the stuff they're saying online? This is our version of it, acting all tough like "Fuck you McDonalds! Fuck you Coca-Cola! Fuck you meat eaters!" but if we ever to see them on the street and they confronted us, we'd run away and cower and start eating Big Macs as soon as we could". I forgive him this admission because I dig Frenzal Rhomb...I have to restrain myself in order to keep from asking Lindsay if he'd smoked a pack of cigarettes before midday and coughed up a lung around one. I'm just that lame.

So, how does a band with their longevity stay sane on the road? "We managed to borrow four of the Spice Girls jets. We do travel separately, so when I say I'm staying at the cheap-arse hotel, I'm staying in my cheap-arse hotel, Jason's at the F1 down the road, Gorky’s staying the Backpacker's, and Tom is actually sleeping just there at Flinders Street Station. We keep ourselves separate like that and it really does keep the magic alive.". After discussing the reputable F1 Hotel and Jay's filthy habits therein, I pull out the archetypal query of my short journalistic career: influences. I don't know why this always interests me, but the answers are usually so strange and intriguing I can't put the damn query away. "Obviously the ones you wouldn't expect are Toto and The Doobie Brothers and Steely Dan, I mean, when you those bands that can wind beautiful and lush harmonies around absolutely mind-numbingly banal and stupid lyrics, then you understand exactly where we get it all from". I'm not positive he's joking, though I don't mind either way.

For a band that has seen many, many things over the course of their 15-year career, I wonder aloud how Frenzal deals with the whole downloading iDebacle. Once again, my pre-impressions are dashed: "It's amazing, it's great, the quicker and more easily people can get our rubbish, the better...if you're making music just because you want people to hear your music, and you reckon you've got some good songs in you, then you want as many people to hear it as possible".

Interesting fact: for a band so rough-as-guts, all members are vegan (except Jay, who is vegetarian, or as Lindsay describes, "still the cheese-eating savage". When I suggest perhaps there should be some discipline coming Jay's way, he replies "We punch dogs and think of him")."It's very fashionable these days to be vegetarian, everyone's fucking vegetarian". I enjoy my interview with Lindsay, because it feels more like chatting to some friendly stranger at the pub. No nerves, no pretension, no bullshit. Just good humour ("Were a boutique band!") and sarcastic, charming realism: "All of us have got stupid jobs now 'cause punk rock doesn't pay the bills". Bless.

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