Big Day Out - Gold Coast

Who doesn't want to exchange sweat in a hot tent crowded with sunburnt bodies of unhealthy-looking people who you don't know and probably wouldn't like if you did staring unenthusiastically at overrated artists playing boring music that sometimes unsurprisingly no-one is dancing to probably because there's very little atmosphere maybe also because their legs are aching already as it is so hard to find somewhere to sit?

And what better place to do it than at the Big Day Out?

Definitely the biggest crowd I have ever seen, definitely the worst contemporary music festival I have been to and definitely the most overweight people I have ever seen in one concentration. And you should have seen one of them dance! She was so good that my personal highlight is a toss up between hip hop's best kept secret who isn't secret anymore, Lupe Fiasco and the fat woman dancing.

Lupe's performance was captivating for the first half, so much stage presence man, and his music and rapping abilities are good, however overrated. He exercised his obvious vocal control with speed and lyrical rhythmic consciousness as an acapella, ordered feedback from an audience willing to yell his name and lyrics [it was hot when everyone leant back same time in 'Kick Push']; but, like most of the performances at BDO, could have been better, and was unoriginal.

A big let down came from strolling into see The Herd when I heard some alright hiphop with Australian accents, then I stuck around for DJ Aniki, who was the first of 3 DJs I saw to play the riff from 'Apache' by the Sugarhill Gang, [Afra and the Incredible Beat Box Band also covered it – and really weren't incredible], and then I saw a nice drum kit with timbales followed by a horn section setting up so I figured the next act would be good.

WHAT A LET DOWN! This chic called Lily Allen [wow, she's so bad, did she just say the ‘f' word? What a rebel!], parading around like a child in a pink dress making fart noises and singing about "blokes with small penises," made me miss out of Scribe [damn you Lily Allen]. But it was during this concert that I saw my other highlight of the BDO2007.

Less than 5 metres away in the stagnant sea of sweat-laden, pink and yellow bodies stood the only dancing body in sight. And what a body! It had to count for at least five bodies in proportion, and it seemed as if every flab was dancing of it's own free will, there must have been some complex poly-rhythms on show right there and I was actually quite impressed [aahhh, that's how fat people dance!] Unfortunately I didn't have a camera, and I'd seen enough, so I cruised out from that sweat pit after scoring a timetable off some nice couple in the crowd [see, the universe DOES respond to those who ask, even at Big Day Out] and I went to check out Melbourne hiphop act Tzu at the Hot House.

I was filled with a little Australian pride by the fact the Australian bands were better than the overseas bands, and no one was as talented as the John Butler Trio [that drummer is a freak], but I was disappointed by the sheer lack of dancing amongst the crowd, and therefore the Big Day Out has nothing against other music festivals like Woodford and Bluesfest [which it is actually very similar too, except with the good bits taken out]. A music festival is not only supposed to get you grooving and feature some music your into, it's supposed to leave you smiling your head off, vibrating at a higher level, walking home buzzing, feeling so inspired by what you have seen and heard and been apart of. But the yobbos, the rubbish, the guy pushing a lollipop in my face [who does that?] and Lily Allen just didn't cut it for me.

I was surprised to find the food stall Govindas, which is every festival goers proclaimed "saviour", and the tasty Langos, plus some sweet deal on a $5 Marie's Pizza and you can get a BJ for $7.50!!! [Apparently a BJ is a baked potato] But the good food in the corner didn't nurse the wounds…

I had an alright time at Big Day Out.