The Beards

The Beards

The Hi Fi had never seen so many beards. The lady taking tickets at the entrance seemed insecure in her beardlessness, in light of the sheer number of beards walking through the door. These beards had humans attached to them however, and these humans were in a good mood. This was due in no small part to the sound guy playing Toto, Michael Jackson, and Led Zeppelin songs before the show. Nonetheless, men with flowing beards, men with scraggly beards, women with fake beards, and members of both sexes sporting beanie beards had come to do one thing: sing songs about beards.

This was a good thing because the band, The Beards, only sung songs about beards. Having started with the lights down, the bearded showmen burst into full colour and song with 'Born With a Beard', which proved to be a surprisingly good, swaying start. Next was the Copperhead-Road-sounding 'This Beard Stays', with Johann Beardraven pausing only long enough to deliver sax solos and use 'beard' as a verb.

'Bris-beard' was then treated to the dub-sounding 'Bearded Nation', although despite the song's reggae-like vibes, the Hi Fi still felt lonely and isolated. It's a stepped venue, meaning you're generally never eye-to-eye with many others in the audience. This worked against the community beard sing-a-longs the beards have based their career on.

'Got Me a Beard' was however a quick highlight, obviously pleasing the facially-hairy crowd, with bearded make-outs breaking forth amongst some of audience. Songs like this one - and 'Shaved Off His Beard', which joked about a man dying from shaving off his beard - would have seemed strange if sung by any other group, but The Beards fervent excitement about having beards really did make you believe their beards came first, and then the music. Said beards were so long that the bass player was looking like Clueless Morgan, the pirate goat from Muppet Treasure Island. It was a serious bearded-doppelgänger moment.

New song 'Stroking My Beard' broke fresh thematic ground, linking beards to unemployment and drugs. Hopefully this is not a direction the band is set to explore. 'There's a Bearded Man Inside Me' was likewise a new song, but seemed a bit too repetitive for its weaker subject matter.

The Beards know how to quickly cover up with hits, however, and played 'You Should Consider Having Sex With a Bearded Man' and the power-ballad 'Nothing Better Than a Beard'. While the latter was a great, lighters-up, sing-a-long moment, the inanity of the lyrics made you wonder how much longer The Beards will be around (well, it was either that or you were drunkenly swaying your lighter too).

'If Your Dad Doesn't Have a Beard, You've Got Two Mums', their most famous song, was the finale of the night. Unfortunately, the novelty of this song has long since come and gone. Although The Beards can write good songs, let alone good songs about beards, when Johann said, 'Thank you for coming back and listening to the same songs about beards,' the longevity of the band was brought starkly into question. As long as there are drunken, bearded men in Brisbane, however, The Beards will tour on, stopping by Bris-beard again next year.

Here's the video for 'Got Me a Beard':
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